5,498,349 or there abouts.  

I’m in a rut. I’ve been in a rut. I’m trying to dig my way out of a rut.  I was laid off from a job I despised about a year and a half ago and it was the greatest thing to happen in quite some time.  It was a job which met the definition of everything I didn’t want in a job:  poor management, no strategy, reacting to whatever client was screaming the loudest, politics and backstabbing (this always comes with poor management and no strategy because someone has to be to blame if things don’t go well). Oh, and I worked all the time. Nights and weekends were not my own. I had to feed the beast of crazy. All so someone else higher up would get a larger bonus. Insanity.  

I was happy to be gone. Happy to have a package and some time to ‘figure it all out’.  I knew I had no interest in going back to that sort of environment.  A whole new career, using the skills I had was what I want. Something completely different. So I spent some time pondering. I read books, listened to podcasts, talked to everyone I know.  Follow your passions, don’t follow your passions, utilize the skills you have in a different way, take this quiz/webinar/seminar for some sum of money and all will be made clear.  So many stories that I’ll save for another day. 

One thing they all said, every one, was it was better to start than sit around with analysis paralysis. Try something, experiment, get feedback and change course if necessary. Do not, absolutely not, sit behind your computer and research, but do nothing. 

I can’t say I did nothing, but I did pretty close to nothing. I looked for a job full time, and didn’t focus so much on figuring it out (again). Responsibilities loomed, there were mortgages to pay, food to buy, a gym membership to keep up (after all, exercise keeps you sane).  I looked in different industries and found a job. But it’s not what I really want to do. I still want to figure out what this magical other path for me is. But I let the job take up my time, and I don’t prioritize any of this work. From time to time I pick up yet another book, attend yet another webinar.  But it’s all the same. I have to do the hard work of figuring it out and making it happen. Face any fears and go.  I’ve heard it so many times.  So if I know what I need to start doing, why is it so hard to do?  Even if I know it’s hard to do, this is my life, so why can’t I get on with it?