Girl on the Train

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Gone Girl meets Rear Window? Sign me up.
Sadly, this book was neither Gone Girl or Rear Window, but it was an entertaining romp. It’s a nice beach read for when you don’t need or want to think that hard because the ending is fairly obvious. Due to it’s references to Gone Girl and a twist, I was looking for the twist the entire time. My favorite of my own twists was (spoiler alert!) that Rachel had a psychotic break, creating an entire second world for herself. There is only one couple, Tom and Scott are the same person. They basically are the same character, nice, good looking guy to the outside world, secret devil when pushed. Their houses are exactly the same layout therefore Rachel knows where everything is in Megan and Scott’s. Come on! Of course Megan must be missing, because she can’t compete with herself. Rachel consoles Scott, right. See what a golf club hole in the wall and being blamed for a marriage’s demise can do to a person? I think this would be a more interesting book, but alas, it was not so.

I found it challenging to endure Rachel making one self-destructive choice after another. Get yourself together, girl! You have at least a friend and your mother who will help you. You had a bad life blow, things didn’t work out the way you wanted, but are you going to let that ruin the rest of your life. How much lower can you go than getting fired, sleeping with a missing woman’s husband and going to see the same missing woman’s shrink? You never met her. How could involving yourself possibly be the sane choice. Spend your time in AA! But then we wouldn’t have this novel would we? And an alcoholic stabbing someone with a cork screw… come on. 10 on the obvious meter.

Despite my description above, I liked this book. If Gone Girl had never existed, I may have loved it. But the gauntlet has been thrown and standards are higher now. I enjoyed my own imagining of what could be more than the actual book, however it was the book that inspired those dreams. So.. enjoy this at the beach, the plot will keep you interested.

The more things change, the more they stay the same…

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Today walking through Harvard Square, I looked at all the young faces. Students, perhaps graduating soon, so full of promise. They looked twelve. I did some math in my head: a graduating senior is most likely twenty one, which means they were born in 1994. 1994. The year Kurt Cobain died. Wow.
As I was losing myself in these thoughts, I heard the music from a loud party. Ah yes, the college party on one of the first pleasant afternoons of spring (that it isn’t until May 1, well… ). Then the blaring music changed to The Rolling Stones, music that was already older than I was when I was in college. So some things don’t change, some things perhaps remain as timeless as Mick Jagger, even if as unlikely that Keith Richards still walks among us. But somehow that made me feel ok.

I feel good, na na naan a naan a naaa…

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Because I made the choice to return to the more difficult class at the gym and then stayed after to do the free weight class. Sounds so minor, but it was a positive choice for me, something I haven’t been doing too much of recently. I’d let a life set back get me down. But all it is is a setback, not a catastrophe. Why did I let it get me down? Why did I let it lead me to make poor choices, including not going to the gym as much as I should? Why make it all worse? Until one day.. gasp.. my pants are too tight. So sorry, that’s crap. And it was all on me. I can blame others for causing the setback, but I can only blame myself for my reaction to it. For allowing myself to get to this place. It felt so good to work out a little harder than before, to feel my body working as it should. It feels good to make the right choices, the choice to do something productive with my time, something healthy something for me.
I want to change things. I want my life to be better. One decision at a time. Bring on the cliché’s: every journey starts with one step, put one foot in front of the other and soon you’ll be walking across the floor.

There is something transcendent in doing something you enjoy, even if it’s minor, even if it only matters to you. That moment affects the other areas of your life. It makes you more of who you are. So here is to making good choices, here is to getting back on track, here is to choosing to make yourself better and then doing it. Because you can’t be there for others or help others if you can’t do it for yourself first.

And yeah, going back to the hard class at the gym is a small thing, but it’s my first step.

Put one foot in front of the other and soon you’ll be walking out the door:
life lessons from Rankin-Bass claymation:

Read What You Want

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Recently, having discovered I’d never read Middlemarch (I could have sworn I’d read it during my all classics all the time phase in my early 20s), I set out to read it. And… I just can’t get into it. Perhaps that is too strong. I don’t dislike it (oops double negative, but 2 negatives don’t mean I do like it). I want to discover what happens, even though I don’t understand why Dorathea married Causabon or why so young (give it some time, see who else comes along, pull a Lizzie Bennett). Then she vanishes from the story for what seems an extended period of time. But I digress. I’m 140 pages in and I find myself just not picking the book up. Just not doing it.
Then I stumbled across Ann Patchett, recorded on a panel discussion where she explains that she does not eat meat because of Wilbur in Charlotte’s Web. Well, I don’t eat meat because of Wilbur in Charlotte’s Web. I was so distraught about the circle of life described in that book, I can barely describe it, and certainly not to my meat and potatos parents. I’d never heard of anyone else with such a strong Wilbur reaction. I’m also familiar with Ann Patchett because she opened a physical bookstore, crimy! Once again I was surprised to realize I’d never read anything by her. So I fired up Scribd (sorry Oyster, they had an Android app first AND have audio books), picked out one of her titles, The Magician’s Assistant, and read it in one day. It was wonderful.

Lesson: read what you want! Go where your heard tells you to go!

P.S. I do want to read Middlemarch. I want to know what Rebecca Mead sees in it to write a whole book on her multiple readings of it. I suppose now is just not the right time for me.

Perspective

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Interesting that something can seem so much better when compared to a worse alternative. Were you on your high horse earlier or just didn’t have enough information to understand it’s place on the scale?

You’re Too Attractive to Have Worked Here For So Long

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I admit it, my LinkedIn picture is pretty good. Taken at a friend’s birthday party, I was relaxed, happy and invested an unusual amount of time in getting my hair to behave. So I wasn’t overly surprised recently when out for cocktails with co-workers a male turned to me and said: you have a really good LinkedIn picture. You look look really great there. “As opposed to real life?”, I joked. He then leaned back, looked at me intently and said with a bit of surprise: you’re attractive, really attractive. Then turned back to speak to the other men at the table, leaving me to remember, yet again, exactly what it is that men value in women.
Later he will ask me if I’ve noticed I’m the only woman out with them. I’m the only woman in most meetings I attend at work, I reply. I work in a male dominated industry, something which is extremely apparent to me, but not at all to the men who are running it. Disrespect and disregard run rampant. I have been ignored, spoken over, placated and spoken to in the tone of one speaking to an idiot. Just last week, after being interrupted for what seemed the millionth time, I asked if they heard me when I was speaking. Now, this could be because I’m incompetent, but I don’t think so. And it may not be that they don’t care about what I think as much as they care much more about they think.

The cocktails would flow on and later this man, who I have never worked closely with, will exclaim that I am the best one at my role and why am I never on his projects? Now, it’s entirely possible I am the best one at my role, but how would he know? He’s never worked with me and he didn’t think that before determining I was attractive. I’m sure it won’t surprise many women to hear that the next discussion was about another woman who has had some, ahem, plastic surgery. The conversation around her? She’s totally unqualified for her job, but who cares, look at her! I found myself seeing Joan Halloway’s face and I don’t know why because she is an extremely qualified, attractive woman living in an even more misogynistic time.

We continue to speak on how crazy our office is, how management doesn’t know what it’s doing and how we’d all do it better, as people employed in offices do. Later, walking to our cars, one asks me how long I’ve been working there. When I tell him, he replies ‘you’re too attractive to have worked here for so long’. I’m too attractive to have worked here for so long. What does that mean? I think it means I could easily find a job elsewhere, that I don’t have to remain in this crazy place. But it also means I could easily find a job elsewhere because I’m attractive, not because I’m qualified. I wish I thought to respond that he was too handsome to work there, see what response it gathered. I’m sure just a perplexed look.

What is a woman to do but continue on being competent, not accepting this type of behavior, lean in, but straddle the line between being labeled a bitch and being a pushover. I’m not sure what conclusions to draw except to say you’ve come a long way, baby, but still a long way to go.

Joan and Peggy:
I’m still looking for a reason to use the phrase “whatever could be on your mind”.
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**Update**
Fast forward to 4:41. I wrote this post before seeing this. Don’t leave me, Jon Stewart, don’t leave me….

This video applies to my last two posts!
Someone as credible as you, while very attractive and articulate, at the core you are credible, you are like Walter Cronkite kind of credible.
Unbelievable. I don’t anything about this woman because I don’t watch FOX news, but she shouldn’t have her appearance mentioned in conjunction with her credibility in any way shape or form. This guy is blowing smoke up her ass on her credibility, but at least he knows to do that, unlike the guys I work with.

A Request of Brian Williams and NBC **update**

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**Update**NBC News clearly read my request and suspends Brian Williams for six months.
It’s refreshing to see, but I am sad. I sort of love you, Brian Williams, but you let us down.

Dear Brian,

Before the results of the investigation, oh sorry ‘journalist fact-gathering’, are known and decisions about your return to the air are made, I’d like you to watch the following to refresh your memory on what journalism should be: an objective, truthful reporting which allows those in a democratic society the information needed to make the decisions we are so wonderfully allowed to make. To do that successfully, we must trust the journalism profession.

Edward R. Murrow – This Reporter

Perhaps more than any reporter before or since, Murrow captured the trust and belief of a nation and returned that trust with honesty and courage. His belief in journalism as an active part of the political process and a necessary tool within democracy has forever altered the politics and everyday life of the American people.

Walter Cronkite – About Walter Cronkite

Cronkite set the standards of television news when the medium was new and malleable. He was loyal to those standards, and his large audience was correspondingly loyal to him. “He seemed to me incorruptible,” said director Sidney Lumet, “in a profession that was easily corruptible.” It was all that Cronkite wanted — and he achieved it.

By the way, Cronkite was referred to as ‘The Most Trusted Man in America’.

And through in Good Night, and Good Luck for good measure.

Mentally Fit or Fat

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So in the realm of first world problems…Tonight is one of my best friend’s birthdays and we’re all off to a nice dinner. I know I haven’t been eating that well recently, the holidays you know? Then there is extra work stress, which has caused me to have perhaps an extra glass of wine at night. Not too bad, though right? I know things aren’t great in terms of being in shape, so I decide to wear the pants which have historically be loose on me. I pull them on slowly and (the horror), I can barely zip them up. I ponder this. I want to cry. I feel fat and ugly and tired. But mostly I think: how did I get here? How have I let this silly life bullshit impact me to this point? Why haven’t I worked out more? Why is Girl Scout cookies only come once a year an excuse to eat more than I should? I just want to stay home and put on pajamas.

But it is my friend’s birthday. I will not miss it because I feel bad about myself and my choices. I could put on a stretchy skirt and go, but I decide to go in the uncomfortable, formerly loose pants. Let them remind me that I should eat something healty, that I should drink less. My new choices start now. NOW.

Promote This

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I have been listening to Promote Yourself – New Rules for Career Success by Dan Scwhabel. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I assumed this was about promoting oneself without seeming boastful or opportunistic. Instead, it seems to be a book advising Millennials on how to get promoted at work. Such exciting tips as:

    Learn the skills you need. Take advantage of training programs and conferences. Maybe your employer will pay.
    First impressions count. Be aware of body language.
    Be able to work with members of all generations. Older people are used to hierarchy, not the cool world we live in now where Millennials just move around as they wish (apparently).
    There are insensitive jerks in the workplace. People who actually enjoy pushing others down. Don’t be one of these people.
    Master soft skills to be the person others want to work with
    Be a good team member
    Be careful of ‘reply all’.
    Use Facebook and Twiiter, but be careful what you post. People are watching. I would tell you more about the social media chapter, but I had to fast forward because life it too short.

The sub-title of this book is New Rules for Career Success? These are the same rules. The same rules! Is there anything above that any survivior of junior high school doesn’t know? It makes me sad that this information had to be written down for Millennials, and are referred to as ‘new’. New to you. I continue to be amazed at business books that provide absolutely no new information. How do they keep getting published?

Is Fairness Achievable?

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or is it merely ‘more than possible’, as Kevin Cullen suggests, Fair trial is more than possible for Dzhokhar Tsarnaev
The standard, especially in a death penalty case, should of course be better than ‘more than possible’. I agree with everything Kevin Cullen says in this piece, including the implication that it’s somewhat insulting that an impartial jury can’t be found in Boston. The criteria shouldn’t just be Boston, it should be intelligent people who can analyze and interpret information without emotional judgement. Yes, that is a smaller pool than the general population, so sorry if that offends anyone.

Tsarnaev’s lawyers make the case that “everyone in metropolitan Boston is, in effect, a victim of the Marathon bombings.” Hmmm…. neither I, anyone in my family or anyone I know personally was injured or worse in the marathon bombings. Am I disturbed by being about half a mile away, just having walked out of Fenway. Yes. Was it disturbing to watch the majority of the cops be called off Marathon crowd control to respond to a ‘major explosion’ and roll out (amazing quickly, I might add. Excellent work BPD), followed by watching cops from many municipalities west of the city start screaming into the area. Yes. Did I stay up all night the night of the chase, tv, laptop, ipad and phone going watching complete insanity unfold. Yes, I did. Am I disturbed that residents of a major American city went on ‘lockdown’ and people were advised to not leave their homes. Absolutely (though I 100% agree with decision to do so. Don’t mess with Boston! Thank you Deval Patrick, Tom Menino and all law enforcement). Was I shocked to watch a tank and law enforcement carrying major artillery march down the street of Watertown, MA, ten minutes from where I grew up. Yes, I was.

None of that makes ME a victim of the bombings. It makes me a human being.

So I’m sure I wouldn’t be considered for the jury, and I haven’t been called so it’s not an issue. However, I am intelligent and highly educated, therefore if Tsarneav’s attorney’s could produce one shred of evidence he didn’t do this, one shred, I would be happy to consider it. I would love to believe that this young person, who by most accounts of people who knew him when he was younger was a good (if pot dealing, hey there are worse things) kid, could not be so easily swayed to do these atrocious things.

In reality, it almost doesn’t matter where this case is tried. Once the photography of Tsarnaev standing behind Martin Richard, the eight year old who was killed, is shown or even the ATM video footage of him using their carjacking victim’s ATM card to take $800 (the least serious of the charges. See them all: http://www.cbsnews.com/htdocs/pdf/Tsarnaev_Indictment.pdf) are shown, this case is over. I base my opinions on such things as photographic evidence, which despite being reported in the media, are factual. That is what should be sought in a jury pool: people intelligent enough to make their own determinations, not form opinions based on alleged media manipulation. It’s insulting to think that there is no one in the Boston area who can do so.